Depression
affects millions upon millions of people, and yet it’s still widely
misunderstood, along with a grocery list of mental illnesses. A conversation
with my roommate last night about the passing of Robin Williams only cemented
what I already knew to be true.
Upon
learning that he’d not only had a wife, but children, her response was: “What a
selfish man he must be to leave behind a family.” She then went on to question
his depression and what had "caused it," throwing out theories about
his wife cheating on him (pure speculation on her part, I might add. There are
no reports that support this, but that’s completely irrelevant to my point).
I tried
my best to be understanding, but I’m certain that some of my frustration showed
because the bottom line is, depression doesn't typically have a specific cause. And I think that’s really hard
for some to wrap their head around if they haven’t dealt with it directly. They
can’t seem to understand the notion that depression is a very real debilitating
illness that is not the same thing as being in a temporarily “depressed” mood
and moving on from it.
It’s
true that there are risk factors and other things that come into play. Grief
even can eventually manifest into depression if the sufferer lacks effective
coping skills. But depression is not a temporary mood caused by one single
thing. It can be a combination of life circumstances, family history, and
chemical imbalances, among many others.
Unfortunately,
I can’t say that I was surprised to learn that many were shocked that Robin
Williams had been a long sufferer of depression. He seemed to be happy and
joyous and hilarious, but he’d also publicly struggled with addiction and Bi
Polar Disorder. And that’s my point - mental illness does not know any
boundaries or limitations. It’s not logical or sensical. You cannot presume
to know a person’s outlook, self-worth, or mental state simply based on their
affect or how they choose to present themselves to the world.
I lost
my best friend to the battle when I was 19. And despite years of my own
struggling, I didn’t see it coming. She was one of the happiest people I knew,
and I’d always assumed I’d recognize it in someone else after my diagnosis. But
people see what they want to see, and when the rest of the world is counting on
you to be their bright ray of sunshine -
Well,
you can’t exactly let them down, can you?
And let’s
not discount the stigma, a word I've really started to hate. But how often do
we hear, “What exactly do they have to be depressed about? Their life is
perfect.” And here we have the celebrity factor added to it, which only
increases the judgment. “But Robin Williams is wealthy and famous. He’s brought
joy to millions of people through his humor and he’s got a [seemingly]
wonderful family who loves him. He has no right to be depressed.”
I would
like to say that a reaction like this is, unfortunately, perfectly natural. If
shining lights like Robin Williams can be suffering so deeply, what does that
mean for those who don’t seem to have it all, who may be more affected by a
tough economy or lackluster familial circumstances? It’s easy for us to discount
compassion and jump into that defensive mode because it’s too emotionally
difficult to recognize the prevalence of depression, that it knows no limits or
boundaries.
But that
needs to end. Because in attempting to protect ourselves from a harsh
reality, we make it that much more difficult for suffering to be okay. And it is
okay. I shouldn’t have to paste a smile on my face all day, every day
because it’s expected of me or because it’s easier for someone else if I
pretend that I’m fine. To quote Meredith Grey, “Not
everybody has to be happy all the time. That's not mental health. That's crap.”
Consider
how that unyielding pressure would feel and multiply it by a billion someones
who are counting on you to be the over-the-top hilarious, amiable man that they
think they know you to be.
Congratulations.
You now have an inkling of what it might be like to be Robin Williams.
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